I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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