I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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