If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
