he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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