tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
