just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
