Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
