No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
