guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
