my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
