Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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