Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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