Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Alive.
So much puke
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize