he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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