so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
