Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
