i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
