i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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