just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
