I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
