Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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