I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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