pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
