Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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