Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
