My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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