we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
