Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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