No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
