i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
