Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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