Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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