she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
