Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize