I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
