Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
