If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We left the knife in your bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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