Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
