This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
