Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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