I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize