Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
