what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
