Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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