I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
