My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
