Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
