There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
