this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
