Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
