I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
