based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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