Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
