fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize