Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
