hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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