oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
