Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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