I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
