Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
