The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
